I don’t think I knew what grief was until recently.
Twelve years ago, when my grandpa passed away, I knew sadness and had regrets that I didn’t get to know him better, but since I didn’t live with him or see him often, it wasn’t as heart breaking. It’s been nearly one and a half month since my grandma passed, but it’s still hard to believe since she was such a big part of our lives. It’s hard to say goodbye.
I lived with her for two years while in school for dental hygiene. I visited her almost every single weekend. We bonded over food. My grandma was the best at Asian comfort foods. Some of which I’m not even sure exists elsewhere. Like this porridge dumpling soup. It’s literally leftover porridge mixed with chives or onions and flour then rolled into balls and cooked again in a soup base.
I’ve been struggling to deal with my emotions, to get back to work, to become inspired again. But it’s been difficult. I could be in the middle of work, and I would suddenly think of my grandma and want to cry. The mere mention of my grandma makes my throat close up and a lump form. Sometimes it’s hard to breathe. I know how dramatic that sounds, but that’s how I feel right now.
Every week, I buy fresh flowers for my grandma. We replace the vases with fresh flowers because she loved plants. Flowers, fruits, and vegetables were some of her favorites to grow.
The past few weeks have been all about family. I’ve been trying to step into the kitchen to create new recipes, but it doesn’t feel the same. What would normally take me just 5 minutes to make and 15 minutes to photograph would take me twice as long, sometimes even more.
But in the next couple of weeks, you’ll see more recipes and more normalcy.
I just wanted to give you a little insight behind the scenes.
Thank you for all your comments and all the stories you’ve shared with me!
Snapshotsincursive says
May you find peace and comfort in treasured memories, Andrea. Always! 🌷
Andrea| Cooking with a Wallflower says
Thank you
InspiresN says
Take care, So sorry for your loss Andrea! May the Lord give you strength at this difficult time.
Andrea| Cooking with a Wallflower says
Thank you
Andrea says
Sorry for your loss. Take your time with grieving. Going back to work and getting back into your normal routine will help you move forward. My dad sent me this quote when my grandpa passed away last year: “We cannot disturb natural orders. Sunrise, sunset, life and death. Sorry will stay for a while by there will be a brighter tomorrow.” Hang in there!
Andrea| Cooking with a Wallflower says
Thanks, Andrea
Ray Laskowitz says
It’ll take a while, but the pain will pass. Maybe this will help… the work is the prayer.
Andrea| Cooking with a Wallflower says
Thanks, Ray.
V says
I’m sorry for your loss, Andrea! I felt the same emptiness when my grandmother passed away, so I can understand your pain. Grief takes time to pass, but eventually it will. And then your heart will hold all of your beautiful memories of your grandma forever. Hugs!
Andrea| Cooking with a Wallflower says
Thanks, V. *hug*
michaelwatsonvt says
It is good to give oneself time to grieve, and to know that while grief is very personal, it is also a profoundly human experience. May solace come soon.
Andrea| Cooking with a Wallflower says
Thank you
LivingOnTheDiagonal says
Yes, that’s what grief feels like. And, slowly, with time grief grows into something still deeper and more rich because of the love that intertwines it. The tug remains, yet you will remember and talk and laugh with less pain about your love and the special times. It is a journey. That you can talk about it means you’re on the path.
Andrea| Cooking with a Wallflower says
Thank you
Tanja says
your granny will always be in your heart
Noel Williams ...https://photopincher.com says
Grieve as long as you want, my friend. He who feels it knows it. Praying for the family. God bless.
windwhisperer says
Condolences ,R.I.P.
prayers !
Andrea| Cooking with a Wallflower says
Thank you